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Photographer Barbie Lindsay, EFIAP/s, MPAGB, FBPE
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ROOM 101

THINGS THAT I WOULD LOVE TO PUT INTO ROOM 101 AND NEVER ALLOW OUT EVER AGAIN.

1. FOOTBALL

They should turn all football stadiums into multi-storey carparks, thus relieving the parking problems in our major towns and cities. Football causes hatred, congestion and neanderthol behaviour.

2. MINI-ROUNDABOUTS

They are pointless and dangerous. I especially hate those in Colchester. What moron designed a series of mini-roundabouts around one big roundabout? It's like a free for all, cars coming at you from all directions!

3. WOMEN IN FLAT SHOES

Especially when wearing dresses. They look frumpy and lack poise and elegance.

4. LORRY DRIVERS

Their favourite pastime is overtaking each other at 0.1 mile an hour faster than the other. They ruin our roads, many are on our roads illegally, they are environmentally unfriendly and are responsible for more deaths and serious injuries than any other road vehicle. 40% are foreign lorry drivers who flout our laws openly.

5. BLACK BEETLES

I don't mind any living creature in the whole world (even you Rob) but not small black beetles. They serve no useful purpose and are not attractive or interesting to look at. (Got used to them a bit now and don't dislike them quite so much). And I do like stag beetles.

6. ESCARGOT

Who was the first person who decided to try eating a snail? With all the animals on this earth, why would you want to eat a snail?

7. RAP & PUNK MUSIC

Music???? Better known as Rap Crap & Punk Junk. This is basically 'music' for those who can't sing or play music.

8. WAR MOVIES

I don't find war movies entertaining. There are far too many wars going on every day in reality, we don't need to glorify it and label it as entertainment.

9. BIG BROTHER

It is more interesting to watch paint dry than to watch this most mundane of programs. Instead of watching other people living their lives, those who watch it should get out and live a life.

10. BAD MANNERS

This includes impoliteness, courseness and loudness. Morals and etiquette seem no longer to be taught to youngsters with horrid consequences.

11. DISABLED PARKING SPACES

Why are they free, when some have more money than most of the rest of us put together? Why are they issued to disabled people whose disabilities are not related to mobility? Why are they disproportionately allocated in carparks when most are left empty? Or taken up illegally? Why are they allowed to park on double yellow lines if it is supposedly dangerous for everyone else to do so?

12. JOBS WORTH SECURIY GUARDS

Who won't let you take pictures of buildings which they are guarding. What threat is a photographer? They only challenge those with SLR cameras and never those using their mobile phones. I have been challenged in Shopping centres, outside factories, Office Blocks and even in a Travelodge carpark.

13POLITICAL CORRECTNESS. Children not being allowed to throw snowballs or play conkers in case they get injured. Not being allowed to send birthday cards in fear of being sued for ageism, or Valentine cards for fear of sexual harrassment. Banning photography in our streets for fear of terrorism (? exploding cameras perhaps?)  Jokes about religion, foreigners, women....the list goes on.  Banning Christmas decorations and Nativity plays in fear of upsetting non-Christians. POLITICAL CORRECTNESS HAS GONE MAD. See the story below to see how daft it has become.

14. UNSOLICITED JUNKMAIL

Why do they insist on putting junk mail inside newspapers and bombard your doormat with leaflets which go straight in the bin. You wouldn't dream of littering someone's garden, so  why are they allowed to put this rubbish through people's doors.

15. PRINCESS DIANA

She was a manipulative Gold Digger who shagged practically anything in trousers. She was certainly no saint (ask a few of those wives whose husband's she had affairs with!) Why has the British Press got such a fascination for her?

16. THE ROYAL PHOTOGRAPHIC SOCIETY.

 Full of self important twits with 'Old Boys Club' mentality. The Society is a money making enterprise and Photography is of little importance in itself. It's more a matter of who you know and not what you know too, when achieving the overrated distinctions of which you continue to pay for, year in year out. And nobody may challenge them or photography itself.

17. THE FRENCH.

Apologies in advance to any genial, helpful or even sane French person, (but to date I am yet to find one). I have found them all to be spineless and arrogant in the extreme. They purposefully go out of their way to be as obnoxious as possible. What have they achieved as a Nation? The Citroen Diane (the ugliest car ever). A Footballer (Cantana) who preferred kicking fans rather than footballs. Foods such as Frogs Legs, Escargot and Fois Gras. The only role that the French army have in the Iraqi war is to show the opposition how to surrender. The Beret, what is that all about? It doesn't keep your head warm and looks utterly stupid. The French Language, where everything is male or female. Tables, chairs, coats, soap, etc., (not that the French know what that is used for). No wonder the French slur their words, they don't know themselves what the hell they are talking about.

18. Pointless Matrix signs!

ie. The Matrix sign lights up informing you that it is 26 miles to Cambridge and will take you 24 minutes, when you are not going to Cambridge! And even if you were, what help is the sign, except to encourage you to break the speed limit if you now believe that you will be late.

Another is a sign, reducing the speed limit to 40mph due to congestion ahead when in fact you'd love to be able to be do 40mph as you currently stationary due to congestion! 

I got one yesterday which said, 'Slow, animals on the road', this  went on for miles with no indication whether we were looking out for a squirrel or an elephant! Never saw anything, so I presume an ant.

These signs are a needless distraction.

19. CHILDREN. I really don't like them. Whinging, screaming brats running around restaurants and pubs when your'e trying to have a civilised conversation with friends or a romantic dinner for two. So if your'e thinking of having some, DON'T.

20. STUART CRISP - Hopefully now Ex-MANAGER OF SOLAR BOWL IPSWICH. A extremely rude, vulger man who lies through his teeth. Called me a F***ing Pink Haired Lesbian when I challenged his decision to end our game early. He's a nasty prejudiced piece of work.

21. PUBLIC TOILETS - Well those that have signposts directing you to them for two miles and when you eventually arrive (cross legged), you find that they are locked up. Reasons:- It's not the right time of day, not the right time of year or just not the right time fullstop without any sort of explanation or alternative!

22. FARMERS - They get subsidized for the food they produce, they also get money in order NOT to grow produce. They are always moaning about the weather, it's too hot, too cold, too dry, too wet. Always claiming proverty but have you ever seen a poor farmer? Any excuse to kill the wildlife. Rabbits, deers, foxes, birds and now our badgers.

23. PAINTED CYCLE LANES and other pointless road markings. Cycle lanes that just start and stop willy nilly are a particular irritant. They are useless to both cyclists and motorists. Temporary no parking cones, put out only when people need to park. Such as special events attracting people to that area but then not wanting them to stop to see the event???

  

24. TRAFFIC WARDENS (Sorry Em, my eldest who was a Traffic Warden for several years)

But for example, we went to London and parked in Thurloe Street, Kensington, which had restricted resident parking from Mon-Fri & Sat til 1pm. I checked the  notices and then the ticket machine which also stated that public parking was allowed on Sundays. You've guessed it, we were issued a £120 PCN ticket. Worse still, it was hidden between the window vent with just a corner placed under the PASSENGER side window wiper. Not one of the 4 occupants noticed it, until over an hour later, whilst driving on the M25 nearing the A12, it started to become dislodged. Too late by then to take photographic evidence. Glad to say though, that after contesting the validity of it, the ticket was cancelled. But why was it issued in the first place and why should I have had to contest it.

How many others would have blindly paid?

25. Ipswich Hospital.
On one occasion I was left to bleed to death after a botched operation.
I had a Job's worth ban me from taking photographs even though I asked everybody's permission first.
I was often forgotten about, regards food, water and clean Linen, during my isolation period after having Radio Active Iodine treatment. 
They charged extortionate prices to watch TV or to use the telephone (for incoming as well as outgoing calls) and the car park fees were crazy! 
The lady opposite was woken during the night to be given someone else's medication (despite the nurse checking her name tag!)
They had no facilities or dietry idea for those needing the RAI treatment and offered totally inappropriate food and drink.

26. Weather Forecasters.
They never seem to get it right. When they predict rain ~ we get none, but trudge around in wellies, carrying macintoshes and brollies whilst sweltering under the sun waiting for this rain.  When they predict wall to wall sunshine ~ we eat soggy picnics under umbrellas.
They exaggerate too. "Britain set for Artic weather with blizzards and heavy snowfalls". This turns out to mean a bit of snow on the mountain tops of the Scottish Highlands. "It was the hottest day of the year" (& this is announced on January 9th
) or "It was the coldest day since the last coldest day". 

27. Litter louts.
It annoys me when people throw litter down, it make me furious when I find places of natural beauty and wildlife reserves littered with rubbish. These people come to these areas because of the beauty and leave it looking like an eyesore. And it drives me insane when I see fly tipping!

28. Dogs.
I know everyone is going to be shouting out in disbelief at this one, but bear me out.
Dog poo, especially noticeable in the countryside nowadays. Dog owners who amble along chatting away, whilst the unleased dogs run back and forth leaving deposits everywhere whilst their owners are either oblivious to this or are deliberately ignoring the dog litter being left behind. Its not just the smell after standing in it by accident. The faeces can cause catastrophic health risks months later within the soil itself. Small children playing in park areas frequented by dogs are most at risk. 
Dogs ~ whose owners cannot control them. Not everyone is excited at the prospect of having muddy paws up the front of their clothes when a dog is 'supposedly' just being friendly. Or being showered after the dog has jumped into the reservoir having fun chasing the Crested Cranes and then they shake the excess water all over you. Having a dog help itelf to your picnic or puncture your child's football. Being growled at:- because you have 'pink hair', or am 'holding an umbrella', or he 'wasn't expecting to see you on his patch', 'senses your fear of dogs', 'doesn't normally act like this, it must be something about you'. I've heard all excuses under the sun.
Dogs in public should be leashed and muzzled!
How many times do we see trees and bushes decorated with bags of dog poo! I was told once that they do this to avoid carrying it whilst walking and would pick it up again on their return. Well all I can say is that there must be a lot of very forgetful dog owners out there who meant to do the same thing but just forgot.
Dogs ~ that are bred to look ugly and deformed. What is that all about? The Bedlington Terrier, The English Bull Terrier, The Mexican Hairless, The Chinese Cested & Pugs to name but a few really ugly dogs. 
Barking dogs that only bark the minute their owners leave the house. They might think their pooch is perfect but the neighbours don't. Ask any postman or milkman what they dread on a daily basis and the answer will always be - dogs.


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